What can I say? I am a hardened and lonely perfectionist. I am vain and self-serving to my detriment and obviously, the detriment of people around me. I long for friendship in the confines of my heart. I wish deeply to be myself, to express my lofty ideas which have been hidden for so long, and to love with kisses, of one sort or another, all those around me. I wish to do good to make up for all the bad I have done. I wish to show love for all those who are meant to see it on display for their Willed edification. I wish to love Him, who has given his all for me, and him, whom He has placed in my path. I wish to love my family. I wish to live free of fear and anxiety, like a bird. I wish to live with a smile on my face for at least a moment in each and every day. I reject my Lord all the time, and I just pray humiliations will fall upon me to make me see the ridiculousness of my chosen path. I hope to see what I'm doing wrong, but I know that is painful, so I know I reject it. Pray for me, friend, to Our Lord's Sacred Heart, Whom I am not worthy to name. I have used it in vain so many times. Here's to hope, and encouragement, and Love. Here's to not losing my hope nor faith in the Divine. Everlasting? In this time when everything seems so short-lived? How impossible seeming! How far away! Does the everlasting exist, we ask and wonder? I know the answer, though my heart is cold from the serial denial and betrayal of these ideas, I have lived in indifference, and not Love and Hope. Renewal, however, and now I speak to myself, fair maiden, is ever present in abundance. And I wish to be just that-a fair maiden reflecting all the colors of the earth from the Creator, bringing something...what is this something...to others. And to find my purpose some time. ... <3 Just to love.